A Mask Well Worn

When I became lost at one point in my life,
I was feeling as though I was all alone,
Parents were just that,
Parents,
Nonetheless,
They were not good to me,
They made me feel like I was less of a person,
Like all I ever was to them was a meal ticket,
When they themselves weren't perfect,
As everyone thought they were,
I was physically,
Mentally,
Verbally abused by them,
And it didn't end there,
They made me feel guilty,
For wanting to get away,
From the animosity,
From the anguish they bestowed upon me,
When all I ever wanted,
Was to feel like I was a part of their family,
Not a maid,
Not a tax write off,
But someone whom really did belong,
Pain and misery was all I knew,
No childhood,
My innocence was stolen,
Right along with my intregity,
And sadness was my comfort,
Hidden behind a smile,
That streatched to the river Nile.

Danielle

yet another victim

I have always thought that I would be someone that I'd be proud of,
Never letting what someone say to me get the best of me,
Verbal abuse is always the worse kind,
Even when the perpetrator is the one saying,
"Don't let what I say go to your heart...
you have to be strong...
you can't be so sensitive"

What am I supposed to say to that?
How am I supposed to react to that?
When all my life I have been
physically abused,
mentally abused,
verbally abused,
and sexually abused.
What more agony am I to endure?
How much stronger can I get?
From all the abuse I have been through already.

I have always thought that I would be someone that could say,
No I have not been abused,
but I cannot,
I have experienced them all...
tears comforted me when I knew no one would,
the wind became my blanket,
the sand became my foundation,
the ocean became my friend,
so that nature can help heal what man had destroyed,
because the agony of my heart could not conflate with the
agony of my mind,
for I am torn inside,
But life must go on,
As I continue to live my life as a victim.

Being more

To be a woman,
that every man wants to marry,
is to be sweet and sincere,
quiet and well spoken,
unique style,
a trophy for all others to see,
To be a woman,
and not have the man,
that you'd want to marry,
because it's either too late,
or you never took that date,
and told him how you truly feel,
To be a woman,
and not have what you want,
may be for the greater good,
for what you do have could,
very well be what is best for you,
To be a woman
Is to be a strong individual,
With a mind of her own,
Intellectual,
Punctual,
Honest,
Loyal,
Modest,
Sincere,
And Must always love herself first.

A Miracle

Sitting in the emergency room,
listening to the sounds of agony,
the dreariness of the night rolls on,
as the people began to filter in,
there became a sound of overwhelming distress,
as if one had lost someone so dear to them,
thinking what if that were me they were crying over,
but thanking God has always been number one,
There is no one that can teach you about life but God,
Sitting here in my hospital bed,
knowing how blessed I truly am,
For I have mad it out of the worse car accident,
that man had ever seen a pregnant woman,
make it out of...
Still in tact.

A guilty conscience...

I thought my life was simple.
It was a little more complex than I thought.
My mind tends to contemplate on my past...
Why did it have to be me?
Why was I the one chosen to endure so much misery?
I thought about a lot of reasons...
but there are none to justify what happened...
So here I am...
Getting over it all...
It took some time for me to get over it...
It took me years to forgive the man whom molested me...
I couldn't forgive him while he was alive though...
I didn't kill him...
His conscience did.

Free yourself from guilt

What people decide to do with their life after something tragic happens to them.
There are many ways one can look at situations as...it does not necessarily have to be bad.
I took my many tragedies and turned them all into who I am today.
I was raped.
I was molested...more than once.
I was emotionally abused.
I was mentally abused.
I was physically abused.
But I got over it.
I became stronger.
I endured the agony for so long.
I grew tired of tears being my comfort.
I grew tired of eating chocolate cakes every time I needed a friend.
There is nothing wrong with crying.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to belong.
But one must learn to accept themselves first.
Accept the fact that this did happen to me,
But it wasn't my fault.
It wasn't my fault.
I was just an infant.
I was just a toddler.
I was just a pregnant girlfriend.
I was just a person that they felt they could demolish,
But no one can make me feel inferior anymore.
I am stronger.
I am wiser.
I know what they did to me was wrong.
I am here now.
Where I belong.

childhood misery

Growing up in the foster care system was tough for me but it was something that made me who I am today. There were times when I didn' t know where I'd end up. There were times when I'd cry myself to sleep from all the abuse that I have endured. But I got over it. I got over the tears, night after night. There was more dreariness in my life than there was bliss. I didn't know how to handle it. All I knew was agony. There was nothing euphoric about my childhood...

healing from abuse: step one

Even though women are there getting themselves through these trying times, they also fail to realize that there are many reasons as to why they are in these certain situations. Men take advantage of you if you let them, but if you are strong in every situation and do not prove yourself weak not just in wisdom, to show them that you can do something for yourself is more than enough for the ones whom care about you, but you must care about yourself first. Knowing that you are important is the first step to self healing.

step one to gettin out of abuse.

Here is something every person should contemplate about. What are these women doing to help themselves out of these situaations that they are in? I know that there is something that can be done? But one cannot help one whom does not search for it. One can get out of the situation of one does bother to look. seek and you will find what it is that you are looking for. Primarily, there could be children involved, but there is always another option. I know that there are some whom don't like to be abused, but how to get out is what they are always looking for. well....leave him. It is that simple. go while the man is at work. take nothing with you. or say that you are running a few errands and don't return. Have someone take you from church...one that can be trusted of course. There are plenty of people here in this world, but you must first care about yourself. Then come up with an agenda.